I finally got brave enough last Monday to tell T something that I really need - to feel nurtured. It feels like a big, gaping, gigantic need that could never possibly be met, especially by him, and I told him that too.

Now today, I am sick - I think it's a bladder infection - and went to T with a slight fever. I was chilled, so he turned down the fan and pointed out the blanket on the back of the couch - so I actually LAID DOWN on the couch, curled up with my head on the pillow (usually I'm so, so guarded) and covered up with the blanket. It was weird at first, but I felt so cared for. We basically had a normal session, but I started to feel so sleepy and I closed my eyes and said "I think I'll just sleep for the last 20 minutes" and T said "Go ahead - I'll watch over you" It was such a genuine moment, and I did feel super nurtured right then.

(I stayed awake by the way)

There have been so many times that I have told T what I need and he's given it to me. He does make me feel really nurtured and cared for, which is something I most certainly didn't have growing up, as my childhood basically consisted of me taking care of myself/being abused. It feels so good to get that now, and he makes it feel like it's totally, completely okay.