Yes, it's me again and it will probably be "me" later on as I continue to struggle with the beast that is trying to keep my head submerged below the murky depths. It's funny, yesterday, I tried to comfort someone here who was concerned that they were posting too much and that everyone was getting tired of them and now here I am feeling the same way. What can I say?. I guess even an animal will "cry out" when it needs help so why should I (or anyone else) be any different?.

Ok so a bat flew over my head the other day, I came home, discovered a paper cut, obscessed over this for awhile, went to the ER, found the thing I most likely cut myself on was a piece of glass (see my other post), etc. You've all heard the story I'm sure.

Well, when I got home from the Uro the other day I felt a little under the weather and I do have some pretty severe sinus problems and this is cold/flu season and...wait...or could this be the dreaded rabies virus I'm feeling as it ravages my body?. What if...what if there was dried saliva on the bat's wings (from where it licked itself) and as it flew over, some flakes of that dried saliva somehow landed on me?. How would I ever know?. How can I ever be sure?. Maybe it's too late now and I'm going to die. Huh?...what's that sensation?. Why am I so nervous?. Come to think of it my eyes are a little blurry and my head feels spacy. Rabies effects the nervous system so maybe it's already got me. Maybe I've reached the point of no return. "Yes but are you salivating more than usual"?. Well, come to think of it...

I have been sleeping in very late since even before this "bat" incident and now sometimes I sleep in until noon or even 1:00. I first awake at about 8:00 or 9:00, open one eye and think "bat...rabies...anxiety...fear...depression..." and then turn over and go back to sleep. What's the point, you know?. Then the "sensations" hit me as I finally awake. These sensations are all ones that are well known to anxiety sufferers. Funny, when I compared the symptoms of rabies and those of Panic/GAD they were almost identical and both effect the nervous system. Like I said, how would you know?.

I just took my temp and it was 98.8 (pretty normal) but I've been sitting around here just ticking down the days I have left to live. Can you honestly imagine what that's like to sit around thinking you are going to die?.