hang in there Black Tears.. dont give up on the idea that it can get better.... it sounds very hard right now and i wish i could tell you what to do to make the immediate situation better... careful patience with yourself really matters so you'll be able to make the right decisions at the right times...

i can feel your stress and frustration and i can empathize to the feelings of helplessness and despair.. just try and hold onto an idea of better things to come.. something simple... can you go to an area where you can have complete peace for awhile? just do some breathing and look at some scenery for a bit and enjoy a few good things for a bit... a butterfly or the way a flower blows in the wind... let some peaceful thoughts into your mind for a bit to remind yourself of the good feelings that are still out there and can be yours for awhile...

wishing the best for you...