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do you have a hard time holding your own when you've made a decision that others don't agree with? OMG, i do! i'll either over react and become very defensive of my decision (while second guessing myself immediately inside) or i'll second guess it almost apologetically (is that a word? lol).

because of this, i can appear very wishy-washy. i wish some day, i could make a decision, stand on it, and feel good about it inside as well...all while others may not agree with me.

i know i do this due to my low self esteem. i don't have the confidence in self to be ok with someone else's disapproval of me or my decisions.

if you've done this, have you found things to help you with it? let me know

kd

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That describes the first 30 years of my life. It was hammered into my way of thinking throughout my childhood... that I existed for the benefit of others, that I did not matter, that everything I did had to be for others. Consequently, I was confused and then elated and then determined to change this when my T gave me a sheet of personal rights. My first response these past 2 months was to 'overdo' it a little. I have been erring on the side of selfishness. And when it all gets too overwhelming and I think I am going to give in, I break away and do something physical, like yardwork or housework... to get my mind off it. It feels so wrong to disregard other peoples' opinions in favor of my own, but I have been forcing myself through it. The first step for me was learning to set boundaries and say 'no'. Some days are okay, and some days I am terrified that others will reject or hurt me for standing up for myself.

I am so bad... I even have a hard time hanging up the phone on telemarketers because I don't want to be rude or hurt their feelings. So I am practicing being more resolute. I say 'no thank you' and hang up the phone. I say 'no' to sales persons at the stores. I have decided to be 'selfish', or so I say. And at some point, I will find a happy medium. But I am getting better at walking away before anyone can guilt me into changing my decisions.