My husband has served 2 tours in Iraq and I was in the military when I met him. We have been married for 12 yrs with 15 yrs of military service between us.

The most important thing to remember is to be there to listen to him when HE wants to talk. NEVER pressure him with questions. When he is ready to open up he will and not before then. Give him room to breathe and adjust. Their lives are forever affected by what they have seen and done. Understand that when he pulls away from you he is attempting to work things out himself. Don't get upset or be offended....it's not you. It is him...he needs space and time to adjust and cope. Just be there to listen. You will never understand but you can listen when he is ready to talk. Don't comment or compare.....just listen and accept what he says. Do not mistake any anger as being directed at you. It is anger from his situation and his ongoing adjustment. YOU need to understand that. Nothing will change it or make it hurt less....but it rolls off you a bit easier knowing that it is not you, you were just in the area when he needed to vent or release. Remember he loves you and your unending support will help him adjust over time.

Make sure you both take advantage of any couples, marriage and individual therapy that is provided by the military. Both my husband and I have. I spent 1 yr in therapy with a military therapist for events that were triggered when my husband deployed the second time to Iraq. My husband received treatment when he returned. It is not looked down on in the military community. I work in a military hospital on a military base so I do understand this part and the impact that it can have.

Most of all take care of yourself. He will need you and your unending support when he returns. You will both grow stronger by working through it together.

Best wishes.

Insecurity