what a wonderful point, obsids! i told t that i'm giving myself permission to be "selfish". he was aghast! he said, "well, if you consider it selfish, I'm sorry, but glad that you're doing it. at least it's a step in the right direction!" lol when i do stand up for self, i feel so daggone selfish! but, i've been giving myself permission more and more, and learning as a go, that it's ok. the sky's not falling or anything, and it's getting easier and easier

good point and thank you!