Whether she’s being abusive (yes in my opinion based on the information you’ve given) or not, it sounds like you both have some issues that would benefit from a professional help. It sounds like she’s going out of her way to get a reaction from you, a negative one at that. It also sounds like you are willing to let go of yourself to remain in the relationship. Just out of curiosity, what advice would you give your son if he came to you in your exact situation?