Thank you all so much, it helps.
((((everyone))))

I honestly feel like there is this huge divide in my poor little brain, the part that says no and wants to stop and get better and then there is the other part that tells me yes and is always tempting me just to lose control.

I feel like I am standing on shakey ground today, I just don't know, I can't shake this feeling that is lying way down in my stomache, it's this deep sadness and I just can't get rid of it.

I think part of my problem is I'm close to just complete exhaustion physically which wears down my mental defenses. When Thursday roles around that would be 8 days I've worked without a day off and I was sick for three days I've already worked, my body is just screaming at me that it has had enought and mind is constantly just screaming at me. I'm sorry I'm babbling I'll stop. Sorry.