We are attempting to set boundaries but she cannot tolerate boundaries as they enhance her sense of isolation.

We need to say to her words and do things that are actions that let her know she belongs and yet that also say that we will not tolerate abuse.

we are setting boundaries which she objects to. she feels sad and discouraged and feeds that negativity a lot and so she looks to "fix me" because IMHO she cannot fix -- or even see -- herself. her role in my life used to be the caretaker (the enmeshment to co-dependant part) where I actually believed in my inability to do things like manage money. the double talk about going back to school (on the one hand saying all the right words to say she supports me, on the other hand demanding more time and offloading responsibilities and then looking at me and telling me i can't do it all)

allllllll the unrealities. enhancing the already existing structures. we know we are dissociative. we know she triggers us. we have only now begun to see her. to hear her and know that she is both who she is and also in our eyes the caustic, critical mother. that the mother would say things that we perceived as unreal and then insist on their realities. we see this now. yet we understand her that she really does care for us and she really does want to do better for herself. we cannot leave her behind.

we will get through this. had we siimply left, we do not know where we would be. we did choose to stay -- for lack of a better choice. we now try to make better choices. we try to set boundaries and remember that we do deserve to be respected.

we are trying.