I'm so sorry you are going through this, but please know that you are not alone. I'm here and plenty of others on this board are here and understand too.

Lamictal is my wonder drug and I'm terrified to be taken off of it. I keep getting little rashes constantly and was sent to a dermatologist. I knew it wasn't Steven Johnson's, but I was still afraid that they would take it away.

I hope you find it in you to try the med route again even though the road to finding the right med is difficult and often treacherous. You deserve some help. If you start thinking of doing what you are implying you are thinking about you need to get to an ER ASAP. You may not believe it, but your life is just as valuable as anyone else’s.