that's it. game over. no overtime. no second innings.

MD spoke with T about the housing... T went back into traditional methods of setting a plan, make a date to move, have goals.
if any of that had worked the first thousand times i had tried, i wouldn't still be living here.
Started feeling suicidal again, knowing that i shouldn't have felt that upswing of hope - no counting the chickens before they're hatched.
Today sealed my fate - I know i'll still be living in this house come August...and Sept.... I feel i'll never get out unless i leave everything behind for good.
I started crying - but held it in - didn't want to tell t i was thinking suicide again.
at the end of the session, tho, i finally answered THE question - that one some love, some hate... "What do you need right now?" I said I needed to know that she wasn't frustrated with me. She confirmed that she is not. "are you disgusted with me" would have been my other question if she'd left me time to say it. i really started crying (with that whole throat tightening thing?) trying to keep it all back, swallow it away. i can't escape this prison. i'm too well trained and obedient. Me - the bird who always thought i had the power to get out of this cage if the door ever opened, awoke to find my wings have been clipped.