Today wasnt a good day...I was just in a gloomy and pissy mood. I really hope that I can overcome my sadness before my children are old enough and have lived through this so long that they grow up to be the same way....I wouldnt wish the feeling of emptyness and sorrow on my worst enemy...I sit here writing this and my 2 year old daughter is laying on the couch across from me finally sleeping, and she looks so peaceful....I watch her sleep because she is beautiful and smart and sucking her thumb....It makes me sad to think that she has a mommy like me who hardly smiles and is hardly relaxed and always seems to be in a bad mood....I wish that I could feel as peaceful as she looks....Then upstairs of course is my 6 yr old asleep in her bed, whom can tell alot more and understand alot more about whats going on with mommy..It makes me feel horrible cause she sometimes says things or asks me things that break my heart and make me even sadder cause it seems to me that she worries about mommy and daddy rather then being a kid....Im trying to get better and sometimes I have really good days where I laugh with them and play and then I go back to the days where I dont want to do anything where everything they do seems to push my buttons and makes mommy sadder...I dont want to be that mommy and I dont want them to grow up and be that mommy. I love my children and I want them to be happy and not worry about mommy all the time..... <font color="#008800"> </font>