so I emailed T yesterday, told her I felt better after mondays session, felt she had heard me even though I didn't know at first what I was wanting heard, said I felt like I'd been picked up and fed and T replied shes glad and some other stuff and perhaps I could look at emailing with her as a way of being cared about?

Dam that word CARE! Hate it! hate she said, why she say it? I dont' want to play the nicey nicey game, its a con, I emailed her today saying I can't do this email thingy with her and I'd prefer it if she told me to %#@&#! off and I am putting my walls back up and she isn't going to get into my head and I want her back in her corner and me back in mine! I don't want people to do that nicey thing with me, I want someone to shout at me, hit me! WHY????????? I dont trust people that can just be nice, its not safe!