(((((((((((((((((((((( mouse )))))))))))))))))))))))

It's so hard to let ourselves be cared for. I told T I hate when he's "fakey" (your "nicey" reminds me of that)....but I'm starting to believe that it's not fake, it's real.

For me, being cared for doesn't feel safe - I'm afraid if I let my guard down and let him in, I'm exposing my soft underbelly and in the end, I'll be hurt even worse. It's a risk - a big one.

BUT! When I am able to let him in, it turns out it IS safe, and it feels good. Then I'm scared and shut him out, then I'll let him in again a little bit - back and forth, push and pull. It's just part of the process for me.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad and not safe. It's a scary way to feel. But I'm glad you told your T how you're feeling about the whole thing. She seems really good, and she will help you work through this.

You're worth the caring. Be gentle with yourself. Breathe, and know this feels bad, but it's part of the healing.