I'm not trying to down play how you may be feeling, I too hate birthdays. I turned 33 in April. One thing my Uncle said to me that made me feel young is "you are in the prime of your life and you don't even realize it". They say 30's are the new 20's. People are having babies into their 40's. It's a much younger world. I know a professional body builder that didn't start her carrier until she was 45. You are young, you have a lot of years ahead of you don't waist anymore years worrying about the ones you lost. Weather you realize it or not, you have left a foot print in this world, start making some more.

Again I'm not trying to down play how you feel, just trying to lift your heads above the clouds.