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luvsbikes said:
My perspective: If he had a cardiac issue and couldn't get to the phone - of course I'd call and take him.

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Hi, luvsbikes. Your situation and mine are remarkably similar, including the internet affairs and compulsive, damaging behaviour. My wife was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. My situation reached crisis levels in the last three months (click here for my thread with all the details), but after hospitalization and new medication I think my wife has finally come out the other side of her tunnel.

For me, the decision to stay with her came down to this: Is my bipolar partner willing to do everything possible to work towards getting healthy? Using your 'cardiac issue' example, when a person is having a heart attack, they can't be expected to drive themselves to the hospital. But when he's outside of danger and able to act for himself, is he doing what it takes to get better?

Only you can answer that for yourself. If he's not willing - if he delays or resists medication and treatment or denies being ill, and in doing so deliberately and knowingly puts you at risk of physical or emotional harm - then he is truly on the same level as an abusive husband. And if you're being abused, you should leave.

You said in a post, met only with defensiveness, denial, arguementativeness, hostility, aggression, and everything is turned around on me/my fault, no 'I'm sorries' after the abusive facts, and I am only told to leave. ...and there is no talking about it when the plateau comes BECUZ 'it didn't happen that way' - enter denial and defensiveness.

That's really bad. Believe me, I empathize. In my situation, it took a long time for me to come to the realization that love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Without trust, honesty, sharing and, maybe most importantly, hope for a better future, you shouldn't allow youself to be abused and allow your identity to be eroded away, month after month, until nothing is left... all for the sake of love alone.

How much are you willing to do to try to make him understand he needs help? I had to move heaven and earth until my wife finally understood that... and it got much, much worse before it finally got better.

Are you married? Any children?