Of course you miss it. It's what you were trained to do, it became your element, with the others, the comraderie was a big part of it, the unit - your extended family who went through it with you, who fully understand without having to discuss it... and when PTSD changes you, and you have to try and assimilate back into home life and public life, you want to go back where you can respond with authority and drown out the ptsd noise... even though it isn't quite how it happens.

Keep working on adjusting to what is normal back here.