It's not enough to be hopeless, unsettled, and angry. My H and I are having difficulties. He is angry and feels like he has to hold up everything when I get SO stressed that I sleep for three days to bring my anxious nervous system back down to "normal". He has told me that he knows how hard I have it (and how hard he has it) and that he will do extra as long as I continue to work. Previously, working has made a massive toll on me - it has really overstressed me out, made my moods impossible, and more.

It's a situation in which I can't win. I can't promise that I'll never be insane again. It's like a cycle. I get massively stressed, make horrible decisions, have NO energy, and when I start getting better, I have to clean up the mess, which in turn sends me back through the cycle.

I'll talk to T about this next week. I just want this all to end. I want the stress to lift so I can act normally and feel a little peace. I keep getting bombarded from each side. It makes me feel so hopeless. I feel so bad for my family, so guilty. Is it not enough that I am tortured by my chronic internal battle? I hate it when troops are called from the external world. I'm fighting a losing battle.