Thank you all for commenting. I'm so new to being diagnosed and I've had this since childhood, it seems as though I wouldn't be able to be different. I've been in therapy for a month now, so I know that many things have been layered and layered in my mind for many years and it will take a while for me to change. However, I just hope that when I do, I won't lose the thing I've tried so hard to protect.

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_Sky said:
Learning to live without perfection is a good thing. I know it doesn't sound possible, nor wanted, but to not feel the necessity to have everything "just so" gives you a freedom you haven't known. Things can only be better without the constraints you have on yourself now, imo. TC!

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I never thought of it this way. It doesn't sound possible right now, but it would be really cool if that was the case at some point. I would love that sort of freedom and I think my shoulders would be a lot less tense too.

I will have to keep thinking about this and make sure to mention it to my therapist next week.