I wish I could jump inside of a normal persons body for just one day. What do normal people think about? What would self-esteem feel like? What would a day be like without self hate, rage, self pity, suicidal thoughts, etcetera?

I watch people all the time and wonder what's in their heads. I wonder if what I feel actually isn't that bad. A friend of mine tried to kill herself last week. I didn't know she felt that bad. Maybe what I feel is normal.

I never feel like I relate to the people I see. It's like I'm on a different frequency than everyone else in the world. At my best people seem garbled with static. At worst it's just white noise. Even when I'm around people I feel alone. For some reason I've always felt like that guy in Edvard Munch's painting The Scream.

I wish I could just get a taste of normalcy. At least then I think I could orient my mental compass.

I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I'm just blowing off steam.