Here's a little more to explain some more of what's going on.

It's like there's this young part of me. She's more likable. It's okay to take care of her. It's okay for ME to take care of her. It's not her fault that things happened. She's fun to be with. She plays guitar hero and plays with the kids. She totally trusts T to take care of her. She's not afraid of him.

Then there's the rest of me. The part that isn't deserving of being loved. The part that has to be in charge. The part that doesn't believe T is for real. That part that's scared she's bothering T. The part that wants to binge and purge and drink. The ugly part.

That me is the me that I've been since I was really little. The grown up me. I don't like this me.

I like the Little Me that I found in therapy. It's like when I was a kid and I had to start being a grown up, that me got left behind and never grew up. I like spending time with that me, because she gets nurtured - by T and by me - and then I feel nurtured. She's the most vulnerable me. She can only come out if it's really safe. I wish she was there in session today, but maybe she couldn't be there because of what I was wearing (a dress, instead of jeans and T shirt like I usually wear)..