Shame and guilt are cancer to the spirit.

Amends genuinely made are the seeds to forgiveness. It is much harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive others. You have been wonderful to him mentalpolution. You have forgiven him and have made it clear that you wish to move forward.

I don't think men think wierdly in relationships any more than women but I do think that the seeds of perfectionism planted when we are children allow wierd thinking for all of us...we simply weren't born to be perfect...

I think he needs to understand that failure is part of building strength and that forgiveness is the sign of new growth. Let him know that this challenge that he and your marrage have encountered is an opportunity for building a stronger bond and taking that opportunity means understanding what caused the affair,,resolving those issues and moving forward...

Encourage him to speak to a counselor independently and as a couple...affairs and the subsequent shame and anger can eventulally break the love...

IMHO.

Lenny