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gordian_knot said:

When you boil it down, he, like any adulterer, chose to have an affair because, ultimately, he felt like it and at the time he chose to disregard the consequences.

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I'm sorry but I don't agree with this immense generality Gordian. I think there are men and women who indeed do what they feel like and are victims of their appetites.

But I also think that many situations are complex and the behavior of adultry is an expression of far deeper issues,,sometimes disordered. I don't beleieve responsibility or accountability can be bypassed by the reality of deeper issues but I think that those aspects can mitigate and enhance the process for healing.

To state that it simply boils down to a simple selfish decision can be unjust to both parties during reconciliation...

IMHO.

Lenny