I guess it was like earthmama's in that I raised myself (my parents actions didn't meet their words) and, was punished if not quiet and passive. As well as my parents and also the extended family ignoring and invalidating me, all I knew how to do was ignore myself. So despite the mess ups I've made in life and the reactions of some people (including one T, although I really didn't do anything wrong there, he got burnt out) I'm trying to be gentler with myself.
And learn from mistakes but not ignore and beat myself up endlessly... but if I do, I know where those come from (childhood)