Thanks.
Feeling better this morning( I THINK) but this makes no sense. I don't know how to deal with feeling so Raged and then bake a cake like the rage in me never happened. After Rage normaly I'm totally SAD to point of wishing, planing, knowing I'll be dead soon so who cares. I come out of it, Most times I remember enough to know I was there and small things that happened but that nothing feels the smae anymore, nothing. I could whistle with the birds, find a rock to be a treasure, or ya, bake a cake like nothing really happened, yet I know inside I went there again, prob caused grief for my love ones, prob wanted to die again, prob want to leave the house I love so much and would never ever want to leave in a millon years. Yet I want to when I'm filled with rage~ in a heart beat I would go but soon to clawl back like so many times before. I tell myself stop but go anyways. Oh your all so sweet to listen to all my bloodies and not run away and say nothing to my rant.
There are so many bloodies in here, yet a fire to do and see everything with a smile on my face, and part that keeps screaming at me that you know it'll never work! ~~Just take 100's of pills and get out of misery. AHHHHHHHHH, NOTHING MAKES SENSE!!!!
I'm tired of fighting with myself, tired tired tired
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