Really interesting post, ECHOES.

It sounds like you have trouble feeling your feelings in front of someone, such as your T, or your father. Are you able to feel your feelings (or have you ever been able to) with anyone? If so, why--what was different about that person?

It sounds like you are able to feel your feelings when you are by yourself--you can be "emotional and distressed" when you call your T between sessions. So you are able to be honest with yourself and let your guard down enough to be free to feel on your own. That is great!!! (I am not even good at feeling when I am by myself.) And you can share those emotions with your T over the phone. That is great too! But somehow, it is not possible when you are face to face. Why is that? Why is the phone OK and in person not?

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How do I get to really feeling free to feel, to be me (whoever that is) there where I really do feel comfortable? What is missing? What is in the way?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I realized recently what a tremendous amount of energy I spend NOT feeling and containing my feelings. I don't think I realized this before. I think to myself, wouldn't it be great to not have to do that and to be able to spend that energy on other things? On something positive in my life? This would be such a clear and huge benefit to me. ECHOES, do you know how you feel about your not being able to feel with others? Are you OK with that? Does it help you feel safe? What benefit are you getting from it? Or is it something you wish you didn't do? Do you want to be able to share your feelings with everyone? (Or just your T?) Maybe if you explore how you feel about not feeling, you will come upon a way through this.