Hey there

Thanks for asking for clarification, shadow. And thanks for clarifying, orange blossom

This is the first time I've been in therapy - I've been there 8 months now. I'm 38 and did have a very trauma-filled childhood....just sort of pushed it aside and moved on, until I couldn't keep going anymore without some help (8 months ago).

I forget MUCH of what happens in T. I know I go, but I can't remember the sessions quite often. So, sometimes, T and I will have a review at the next session, and he'll tell me how it went - and then, often, hearing it, I have this vague memory of "oh yeah, that's how it was" - sort of hazy and distant. The arm thing (feeling totally not in my own head and then looking at my arm and seeing an arm that wasn't mine) was weird. I didn't tell T, but it's not the first time it's happened. The first time I really remember it happening, I was probably 15 or so, away at a camp (away from my family!). It's only happened a few times that I can remember since then.

I often realize that I don't know what the date is - as in, I don't know what SEASON it is. I'll be standing in the shower, and I don't know if it's summer, spring, winter, fall. It's confusing. I've mentioned it to other people for years, because I figured it happened to everyone, and people just look at me like "?!?!". Honestly, I don't know what's normal and what's not - for real. Like, everything I've typed up to this point really MIGHT be completely run of the mill stuff that happens to other people, or it might not. I honestly have no idea!

So, I guess there's a little more info. I do know that when T started asking me details at our last session - kind of out of nowhere, it felt like, but I have no idea at all what we were discussing beforehand - it really freaked me out, and I just checked out and couldn't feel safe again during that session. Although we've e-mailed since then, and I feel better. I love T

So, anyhow, there's some more details. Honestly, it's a little scary to think about - to realize that everything I thought was normal, might not be. Or is it?