Sorry if this wrong place to put this...apologies to any mod who has to move it...andmaybe I shouldn't put it anywhere's coz I've no support to folks the past few weeks but I'm driving myself nuts here...and a lotta other folks too.

Not sure how to explain this so sorry if i ramble or make no sense!

This neighborhood I live in now...never lived anywhere this long. Took years to get used to being settled, took a long time to learn it was ok to trust folks. But I never really had folks there for me before...not long term...coz I've always moved around a lot from birth till a few years ago. Like easy come easy go ya know?

Anyways, there's one thing I always do when folks start getting too close...I back off, withdraw, isolate. If folks persist...jeez thiis is gonna make me sound like a total *****...I push them away on purpose, hurt them if needs be so they get the message.

Ok, I can't keep doing this...and the rare occassions I've spoke to somebody IRL...like my doctor...all I get is...it's part of my mental health problems, coz of the way I grew up etc (ok, I'll give her that one, grew up in a cult where contact with outsiders was disallowed and that included schooling)...but there has to be a way to stop myself doing this?

Any advice would be most welcome...even a slap upside a head would be most atm...lol

peace, love to all