</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Quote:

I've talked with T about this, and he said it has to do with my fear of people abandoning me.

Chaotic13 said:
I don't get this. Can you explain it in more detail?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'll do my best chaotic13-- let me give you a hypothetical situation.

Lets say I'm cooking, and someone I respect says 'Owl is the most amazing cook'. Rather than accepting the compliment as a warm fuzzy, it turns into pressure in my head. In order to live up to the expectations of an 'amazing cook', I feel like there is no room for error, and if I do mess up that person will not like me any more or find out I'm a fraud.

I have a hard time believing that people will accept me even if I make mistakes, or if they find out that I'm just a 'ok cook', instead of an 'amazing cook'.

I'm not so sensitive with everyone, but particularly with authority figures or people I really respect. I *think* this has to do with the fact that most of the authority figures in my life were not there for me emotionally as I grew up. When they needed me, I'd jump to help, but when I needed them they were checked out or dismissive or just not there. So I internalized that as me being 'not good enough'.

I'm afraid that if people find out I'm 'just human', they too will abandon me when I need them.

Hope that makes some sense...it is a pretty new realization for me, so I'm still digesting it all.

((Cmara)) -- Thanks for the understanding!