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Anyone else struggle with this?

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Echoes,
Yes, I've experienced this also. Mine is a little different, though. I think that being in session with T is where I feel safe and secure. For this reason, my massive emotions of abandonment, devastation, or others don't arise as much as they do outside of session. However, over the past few months my anger and other not so nice emotions have emerged in session. I guess this was negative transference or something, who knows? But I understand you in that I am most of the time unable to understand my emotions, like which ones come up, when then come up, when they don't, etc. It's so frustrating. I think the reason a lot of us feel misunderstood (at least I do) is that we are unable to understand our inner world, so how could anyone else understand?

I was just curious, though. You say that your Dad told you that you use to "take off" when you were upset. Do you remember any time when you were upset and didn't take off? Like with your Mother or Father? And if so, how did they react?

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How do I get to really feeling free to feel, to be me (whoever that is) there where I really do feel comfortable? What is missing? What is in the way? I can't see it. Can you help?

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I wish I could give you an answer and solution, Echoes. I know how painful this is. In my experience, though, time, patience, and self-acceptance are precursors of finding answers. I wish you the best of luck!