Mcelkins...Gosh, what a nightmare you are going thru. First of all, as I read your story, about how you felt attached to your ex, even after he had been abusive to you...I could identify with that. I don't know what makes us so, but I as in the same mindset after being stalked and nearly killed by a former boyfriend. I was even afraid to go to the court and testify, even feelling somehow responsible.
Could it be that you entered into this new relationshlp/marriage too soon after the trauma you experienced from dealing with your ex? In my own experiences trying to date and build relationships after my incident, I know now that i needed more recovery time. Your ex sounds very menacing and dangerous, and that alone could wreak havoc on a new relationship and marriage.
I don't know what to tell you about the allegations of inappropriate conduct and what you have suffered, as I"ve never been there, but with all the factions involved, i"m truly sorry you are going thru this.
I'm so sorry your marriage has deteriorated to the situations you describe. You and your new baby need peace, calm and quiet.
Patty