((((((((((((((Earthmama))))))))))))))) I'm so glad you can come here and ask questions. We're all learning here. Orange has such good information. I only know from the DID side and even then only what goes on for me. I'm learning through, through T, about dissociation in general and how it affects people. I'm learning here too, through what other people experience.

So much I thought was normal. It's a wild ride finding out that things aren't normal. For me, it rocked my whole world and my entire belief system (it still does as I learn more and become more aware). Once T was talking about her childhood and my first thought was wow, she had a weird childhood! Turns out, she had a pretty normal one lol.

Sometimes it's hard for me to know what people are talking about because my head uses different words and phrases for things. I've always had names for things that go on for me; I just didn't have the right names lol .

I agree with Orange. Checking out is a normal response for people like us, so we are in fact normal.

We're all experiencing so many different things. For me, the reason I didn't think DID was because of the barrier part. And again, that's only because of my experience and I can only go by that, so take what I say with a grain of salt and ask T too.

T said the barriers in my head are very thick. I like the picture Kiya has here. My brain has developed another way to separate (I mean the way I see it) but this really explains about the distance thing, which I have as well.

I'm amnesiac and so I never know when I've switched while I've done it. I'm getting stronger though and so sometimes I am able to feel myself leaving, but it's still far and few in between. I really long for the co-conscious thing and I'm really scared to death of it at the same time.

That said, a couple of times, things happened that I was kind of aware of, like what you said about having a vague feeling of having been there. And twice now, I sat in my dark theater and watched. I heard talking kind of like the teacher in Charlie Brown I guess, but I could not make out the words coming out of my mouth or the mouth of those around me. It only lasted probably a second or two and then the next thing I know, I was someplace else, but it was a start.

Sometimes I hear more chattering in my head than other times. Sometimes there is crying that drives me bonkers (like I'm not already bonkers lol). T said at those times, the barriers between parts are thinner.

My T explained something to me that helped me understand parts. I don't know if it will make sense to anyone else, but I'm willing to put it out there, in hopes it will help someone else.

T said everyone has parts of themselves. T said she has a playful part, a serious part, a T part, a mom part, etc. The difference is the barriers and they can be varying in their thickness. My T's barriers are pretty much nonexistent (everyone dissociates to some degree). She knows what she is doing most of the time and has control of whether or not she decides to be playful or serious, etc. My barriers are on the other extreme. I never know what's going on, on the other side of the barriers (outside of those couple times). When I get triggered, another part of the brain comes forward from behind the barrier and I go behind the barrier. But there are different thickness of that barrier, depending on how the brain reacted and dealt with experiences in the life of that person. When I hear the crying or the chanting of things, T has said those barriers are thinner at that time. Our goal is to make those barriers go away.

I think there's probably a one or two dot difference in a line between PTSD-DDNOS and DID if you look at the line Orange had of where everything is. There are a couple of dots in difference between DDNOS and PTSD. Of course in each category, there are levels as well. Such as some people with DID might have 4 or 5 parts and some might have upwards of 20+. I think it's the same with the other side of the scale.

It seems to me, from listening to my T and hearing experiences from other people and comparing them to my experiences, that everyone does have parts. Whereas Kiya might have co-conscious to a certain degree, Earthmama's barriers might be more or less than that, same with Orange.

I think we all hold a common bond here in that we all dissociate to some degree. We've all obviously gone through some yucky stuff to get to here. For that, I'm so sorry that any of us have that in common. I'm not so sure the name of what is going on for us matters as much as the understanding we have for what might be going on for us and others and the compassion to accept and believe that what people say is their truth.

I'm so glad we have each other here to glean information and understanding from.

This is probably my longest post (in the whole wide world ) so I'm going to shut up now.

I love that the DD forum is opening up and we are able to discuss more and more. I've stuck around, just waiting for this. Thanks guys