Sounds like she was traumatized by the situation /split up also?
If you can maintain or develop a decent relationship, that would be beneficial--for both of you. You want her to understand you; you are having trouble understanding her. It could be that way for her, too, and she adds the guilt of having caused some of your angst. It might be good for the two of you to share some therapy sessions, and discuss some of what you shared above.

Take care.