Hi
I don't think you are alone as a single woman with trust issues against men in general. I want to take a moment to tell you how sorry I am at your suffering while you were growing up.
I am a single guy and when I go to internet dating sites like pof.com and read the profiles of interesting women my age these women often ask for an 'honest' man. I suppose this means that many were burnt by lies. Both men and women lie. Men often lie to have sex. Women often lie about vanity issues like age to make themselves more appealing and also about control issues. I don't think you can change people or men that easily. If someone is pathologically honest at a detriment to themselves then they still have an unexplained pathology that is dangerous potentially. I think you have to judge people individually and decide how to open up to a partner when you are ready to do that. A few shrewd woman would rather steal a married man than deal with me because in their minds there must be something wrong with me if I am not taken already. I find that to be an interesting defense mechanism that justifies deceit.
Maybe the ones you are looking for seem so desirable to you because they are often unavailable to you and you are curious? I don't suggest you should go back to needy men. But maybe you are fishing in the wrong pond to get what you want. Have you considered the interests and activities that the gentlemen you would enjoy do pursue? I don't know if you should give up knitting and join a scuba club but I am sure that could work
In my own dating profile on pof.com i say that i am looking for a woman who is capable of emotional intimacy when the time is appropriate. I don't know if this scares potential mates off because it does sound a little bossy. But I am mature enough to know what I want after analysis and all that. I try to avoid a date with a lot of emotional baggage. When I was younger in my twenties i was very involved and cared about a woman who needed sex a lot and would feel guilty about it and sometimes take it out on me because of her religious prejudices. I personally would try to avoid reliving that kind of relationship. If this gal didn't screw me up so much I probably would have married her and she'd have felt great. But I always expected the other shoe to drop so I was very careful. Which is prolly the reason I might avoid dating you. But I am sure you may not consider me a catch or a keeper anyway, especially because I post on a psych site.
I just wanted to give you a guy's perspective on this. Please don't give up on men yet. I am sure you can find a good one when you are ready. Goodluck uclafan.
pi