Earthmama, I so understand what you are saying about not realizing. In the beginning, I did not even know I was dissociating at all. I didn't even have that as a vocabulary word. I guess I knew to a small degree that I would start here and end up there or "space out" days, but because I just thought it was normal, it didn't even come up into my head as something to think on, let alone worry about.

It's only been through T that I've learned what dissociation is and what's going on. I used to be upset a lot because I thought people were tricking me- telling me I did this or that or went here with them, etc. I thought, why is everyone tricking me. It really hurt my feelings and just solidified that I couldn't trust anyone.

I went to T for something completely unrelated to a dissociation disorder. And when I went, I thought okay, I'll go to a counselor for 6 months or so, get this taken care of and go on my merry way. Boy howdy, was I wrong!

The more awareness and understanding I'm getting, the more I'm realizing the lack of awareness and understanding I have.

Hang in there. Some days can be heck, but it can get better with therapy. Sometimes you just have to walk through the fire to get to the ladder.