I have always had self esteem issues since I was a lil kid. When I was at my worst and was released from the hospital the doctor told me that was the foundation for some of my biggest issues and I thought that was so odd. I have so much love for people. I'm so good on the inside, but such disgust and hate for myself. In my experiences I've dissociated so much with myself that I don't even think about it in either sense. I don't like to think about myself at all. Good or bad. If I think in either direction it hurts too much. Stirs the pot too much. I don't like to look at myself too much. Many people will compliment me on my looks especially because of what I used to look like. I was I guess what you would consider "pretty" in my teens and very early 20's. After I had my son and got sick. I ballooned almost tripple my body weight and my face got scarred from medicine, which did a number on my already troubled mind. I changed immensily again from all that. It's funny because I'm extremely uncomfortable when people will compliment me on my looks, but I mean I don't want to look bad either. I think i assoicate not looking "good" with being sick and when people compliiment me on how good I look well they are just not seeing how sick I am on the inside. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

Enough of my rambling. Want I want to say is...any info or group supports I would like to be in on to. I could use it in this area. And I'd like to offer support as well .