Hell, I can relate, I have said in the past that I wish I could be put on "hold" until the realities pass.
When things got bad I finally went for treatment, pdoc and therapist got me back on track, without them I probably wouldn't be around.
If you haven't already, perhaps speaking to a therapist may help you through things. . . can't hurt right?
Just my 2 cents.
I send you good wishes for better days,
Sincerely,

DE