I told T today that all the wkend I've had this voice in my head telling to jump of a high building. I told her though I suddenly thought, why should I do what it says and I confronted it, I asked it why it wants me to do that? and I was met by a young childs mishievious laughter. I said since I confronted it it seems to have lost its power and I was aware of people in the here and now today, now that I've spotted that voice.

T said, the mishievious laughter you mention is common amongst abused children. I made out what she said was just normal but my face must have shown some reaction because she then said, "was that hard to hear?" I just said "no" and continued to stare ahead of me.

I dunno it feels like I must be lying, it cant be true, dont be silly this is me, my life we're talking about here, my memorys, my time on this earth and you, (swallow, gulp) called it an abused life? How can that be? Geez I think I've made a mistake, why am I here? but also I know the facts point to that fact, unyet when its all you've known it just dont seem true.

I told T that I know the upcoming summer break is close and was expecting her to hand me over the slips I have come to hate LOL, she said I can tell you the dates now, Aug 6 - sept 8th she said you have your monday session but wednesday is the last day Im working, but I can let you have your friday session on that day? My heart melted with that kindness and I said yes ok, and she said what about booking extra sessions for after the break? I said yeah the first 2weeks back I'll come mon/wed/fri.

I also asked her is there anything I could possiblity do that would make her not want to work with me? and she smiled for a while and said, I dont foresee that ever happening we have a good relationship, geez I wanted to jump and party when she said that but I continued to stared ahead emtionless LOL! BUT inside well whhhooooaa! we have a good relationship!! now that wasn't hard to hear LOL!