Roz,
Cults are tough to recover from. I was in one for 10 years. I was finally able to break away fully and I still have a hard time when I see those people. I have some family members on my DW's side that to this day don't talk to us because of our break from the cult. This is 17 years later.

I think that your pushing people away is related to your experience and you don't trust people because of it. I know I wouldn't ever trust a member of the cult again, no matter who they are.

Good luck to you and have a great day.