I understand what you're going through. I posted a thread in the General forum a few days ago stating that I was losing myself and a sense of belonging. I'm BP2 as well. I also understand your comment about being afraid of making friends only to lose them. Been there, done that. It hurts like hell. I'm just recovering from the depths of the abyss. It was especially scary that time for me too. I don't have any magic answers for you, I wish I did sweetie. I don't cope with my rapid cycling very well at all. My T suggested to me today to try to divert myself before I hit bottom and become suicidal with hopes of redirecting my cycle. I'm not sure if I can be successful with that or not but that's what I'm going to try next time. You could try doing something like that. Anyways, I wish you the best of luck and hope your stay in the abyss is a very short one. It's definitely not a place any of us like to be in for very long. ((((((((((((cocoa)))))))))))))0