This.. is another attempt.. to put post... out here.. perhaps.. I am not "meant" to... am not sure....

so... I went to a new church.. to drop off.. donations... and have a chat with minister..

asked.. my age old question.. that haunts me... about forgiveness for pedophiles..

knew I shouldn't.. but did anyway...

seems.. the minister believes.. that pedophiles.. should indeed be forgiven... if contrite.. and... they indeed can change... and...would be welcomed into the congregation.. if.. they had indeed.. been "saved"...or "working" on "it"...

I kinda... got the idea.. that the pedohile.. working on his problem.. would be more welcome in the congregration.. than me... because.. the pedophile.. would have that "hat full" of sin .. to be redeemed.. and that would be a "WOW" moment for the minister.. if he could indeed save him....

well... my 12 year old alter... wants to slash.. her wrists... because she is in so much pain...

went to.. T... and to body work T.... and figured out.. that wow..the 3 men.. in my life... my dad.. my pedopile.. and my ex-husband... well.. never loved me... "used and abused"...

so...my "system" isn't dealing this well.... life.. doesn't look.. all that good right now....

doesn't "matter" what my outside looks like.. good.. bad... beautiful... ugly...
my insides.. it appears are unloveable..

am not sure.. how I am going to live thru.. this whol thing.. right now... it feels pretty hopeless... got's nothing to hold on to anymore.. no illusions....of being loved.. by anyone...