Selfy,

I agree, it is far better to ask the questions directly from the person concerned, then to assume or worse yet listen to another person saying things about another that may not be true at all. All that leads to is hurt & misunderstanding

To me honesty is the best policy. If you want to know something about someone, you should just ask that person. Doesn't seem like a tough concept, but I know for some people that may be a problem. They get caught up in listening to others, and then make what they see, fit what they heard from someone else. Being the victim of that is a really tough thing to overcome, but you can overcome it...

Make yourself available. Don't assume things about other people, lead by example. If you don't understand something about something or someone, ask those involved, and remember to ask everyone involved to clarify things.

Maybe you could lead off with something that will let people know that in the future, you too would appreciate the courtesy of a question or two.... Something like.."This may sound bold, but I would really like it if someone would take the time to ask me, before they assume something... I was wondering in this is (true, what you said, what you believe, why you said this, etc.)?" You get the picture

Keep things out in the open, anytime someone takes you or anyone else aside and talks about another, well that is never a good thing in my book. That is where the misunderstanding comes in.... Secrecy is very rarely a good thing....unless your having a surprise party.

If they insist on keeping things quiet, whether it be here with a PM, or in real life behind close doors.....STOP THEM. Tell the person that you plan on going straight to the people involved to see if what they are saying is 100% true. Tell them you will also tell the people involved exactly who told you the story in the first place. Ask if they still want to continue the story.

Whether they continue the story or not.... Go to the people involved and ask. Bottom line, don't believe everything you hear, and if you don't understand something, or want to clarify something......... Always ask....EVERYONE INVOLVED...

Don't get caught up in gossip, even if you think you are part of the "In-crowd", because you are being "included"..... Don't do it! The people who gossip, or say something and insist on you not telling "so & so", well those are the people who you generally can't trust...nor should you. They are users, they say one thing to you, something else to someone else, etc, and over time, when things get bad and everyone dislikes everyone else, they are the only ones left unscathed. Sad, because they are usually the people who have manipulated the whole situation in the first place. They enjoy, in a very sad way, being the rescuer.

Don't allow yourself to be a victim. Demand honesty. Ask questions of everyone involved, never assume you understand something. If you don't fall into the traps people set, eventually you will become known as a truly trustworthy person. Someone that can be counted on to give an honest answer and someone who will not talk about another, without that person being involved too. Keep things in the open.

Eventually, people will stop talking about others, and you will be the example that led the way.

Maybe if more people did this, their would be less hurt and misunderstanding in the world. Honesty has always been the best policy as far as I am concerned. And I firmly believe that if you live your life like that, that eventually people around you will come around too... At least I hope

(((Selfy))), I don't know if you were talking about here or in real life, but remember open honesty is always the best policy and don't get involved if you find it will be anything less.

Eventually your good reputation will stand for itself... Just don't get too comfortable and take advantage of it. Always take the high road., always If you do that, you will always be able to hold your head high and if people leave, well you wouldn't have wanted to be a true friend to them anyway.

Remember people aren't all bad, we just seem like that sometime

Take care of yourself Selfy, and for what it is worth, nobody has ever said a bad word about you..... So you must be doing something right!