Hm, yeah, maybe it comes down to two things:

1) Do I still love him/ her?
2) How much do I/we need to work to make things work

How does it go from falling in love and being together and everything being absolutely effortless and wonderful to list making? Oh, I know, it's willful stupidity, which could also be called 'optimism, faith, non-pettiness, self-belief' etc etc.

I don't know, Wounded, I'm trying to figure this out myself. If only things were as easy as looking into your heart and all those other simplistic notions of figuring out what you want and need.

I know what you mean about hope and the pain when it's not fulfilled.

Get couples counseling, now, if you can. Go right away, do it in an affirmative and practical spirit. Give yourself a chance, it's clear from your post that you want one! That's a good enough reason to try.
Maybe he can learn some things, and maybe you will too!!

Go for it!