((((((((wants)))))))) i wish i has the answers you are looking for....i do know one thing from reading the post..you are a very caring person with a beautiful soul always there to offer support and you desreve the best life has to offer...and when you find your answers ,like many fo the rest of us are searching for ..we will find someone who is worthy of what we have to offer..someone that wont take away the beauty of our souls....with the lies and control of the constant question why....i guess it comes with healing...but i do know when i read your replies to post...i see i great person and that is you...