Stupid me decides to follow up the embarrassing erotic transference session with an embarrassing erotic transference email. Well, actually the entire email wasn't about erotic transference, but there was one paragraph in particular that I put in the email because, of course, I just *had* to tell him how I was feeling. Why do I always do that???

For your reading enjoyment, here is what I wrote to T:

''Do you remember when I gave you an article about Erotic Transference? It was about a woman whom the author called Patty. Essentially, her perceived solution to erotic transference was for her therapist to admit that he wanted to sleep with her. And remember yesterday when you asked if I felt rejected? Well, yeah. You can add all of this up yourself. I would rather eat a bowl of centipedes covered with chocolate syrup than talk about this. But, yeah, the rejection is the opposite of that particular admission-- so I just felt like sharing that. I'm wondering how the hell to get past it, besides accepting that the feelings are natural-- like you said, it is natural to want to become closer to someone with whom you share intimacy-- then combine that with the fact that I have never had a platonic relationship with a straight man... and what a %#@&#! disaster. So I guess I'm just wondering if and how it can be worked through.''

So today he left me a phone message, letting me know that he read the email (and also responding to a crazy message I left at 3 AM because I was completely wired and had no plans to go to sleep). He said that he knows it must have been really difficult to write (no %#@&#!), but it seems to put a lot of things in perspective of the different facets of what's going on with me.

Then what's going on with me????