> abuse is abuse full stop no matter how its wrapped up.

I dunno...

It seems to me that 'gorse' is a descriptive word, whereas 'weed' is evaluative. 'Gorse' is a description of a type of plant, whereas 'weed' is evaluative in the sense that a weed is an 'unwanted' plant. It seems to me that there is a description of events that is possible without the evaluative word 'abuse' being applied to them. For example... My mother sometimes hit me. I don't deny that. My mother sometimes called me names like x and y and z. I don't deny that. Her actions had a negative impact on me. I don't deny that. I don't want to do those things to others - because I can see what effects those actions have on others. But to label those acts with the evaluative term 'abuse' entails (by definition) that there was both a 'victim' and a 'persecutor'. I don't see myself as a victim - either now or in the past. I don't consider my mother to be a 'persecutor' - either now or in the past. I don't deny that her actions were harmful to me. But... It is my way of bypassing the 'victim triangle', I guess.

But that is a particular theory, of course. Largely influenced by Ian Hacking's account of the term 'abuse' and about how the extension of the concept (certain acts) that have been considered 'abuse' have changed over time (which opens up different possibilities for how we choose to apply or with hold the concept). I sometimes think... The most harmful thing about certain acts... Is that we call them 'abuse' and that THAT results in a person feeling victimized / persecuted. That that sense of victimization / persecution doesn't follow inevitably from those acts, but it follows inevitably by a person applying the concept 'abuse' to events in their lives and thus applying the concept 'victim' to themselves and 'persecutor' to others in their life. I'm not at all convinced that 'abuse' or 'victim' or 'persecutor' are neutral, objective descriptors. I think that the term 'abuse' is most often applied to things in order to inspire a sense of outrage (and hence victimization and hatred) at those who did those acts. I'm not sure how helpful that is to me with respect to moving forward...

But of course, different people need to find their own path...