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pinksoil said:

The author of that book maintains that in our relationships, we fall in love and strive to make ourselves better-- we want to be that "perfect" person for the one that we love-- and we find ourselves doing the same thing in therapy... changing, partly as a result of the love and attachment that we feel towards the therapist.

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I find this quote really interesting. I have definitely made changes in my appearance since starting therapy, and on some level, I know it's because I want T to find me attractive. I don't feel erotic transference towards him - my transference with him is so, so, so parental - but I do sometimes wonder if it's there, and I'm not letting myself acknowledge it?? I feel it pushing at me sometimes, and I just push it away. Our relationship feels so comfortable, and I think I'm afraid he will take away the physical contact that we have if I'm having ET feelings. Plus, there is the inevitable rejection. I know I don't actually want to have sex with him - I already had that experience with a counselor in my past, and I know how that plays out (badly). But I do want him to find me attractive.

Huh. Thinking about it now, he HAS said he finds me attractive, which just made me super angry. And he responded "do you think that it's impossible for someone to find you attractive without wanting to have sex with you?". So, do I feel rejected? Flattered? I have no idea.

I see why I'm avoiding letting myself feel/acknowledge any ET with my T - my mind is reeling just from thinking about it during this post!

Pink - good for you for being able to be so honest with T and with yourself. Only good will come from it, although getting there might feel bad.