(((((Silver)))))
You never have to apologize for reaching out for help. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time and need all the support you can get, so keep reaching out.
Is there anything that could have triggered these intense emoitons? Do you think you'd be able to try to find a T to see? It really sounds like you need someone professional to talk to. Have you been able to call your doc and schedule an appointment? If anxiety is an issue, s/he might be able to give you a benzo to help in the short term; unfortunately ADs take a long time to go into full effect.
I hope you can get through this day safely. PM me if you need anything.
Take gentle care,
 
J
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"One by one, as they march, our comrades vanish from our sight, seized by the silent orders of omnipotent death. Very brief is the time in which we can help them, in which their happiness or misery is decided. Be it ours to shed sunshine on their path, to lighten their sorrows by the balm of sympathy, to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection, to stregthen failing courage, to instill faith in hours of despair."
-Bertrand Russell
With love and hope,
<~/J\~>
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