Hunny, I had a similar experience way back when....when i was married in my early 30's. I fell in love with my painting professor, and he was so seductive. Visiting him, in his apartment one day after leaving my daughter in morning nursery school, I couldn't consumate the sexual part of it, though I was totally desperately in love with him. After that, he refused to take my calls, though he had told me he would "take care of me." etc. etc. Shortly thereafter, I did tell my husband of my feellings for this man, and he, in his inept way, was unable to deal with it very well, though we stayed together...for 20 years.
I was so humiliated. So very humiliated. I look back on it all now as a learning experience. Men like this, like the one with whom you've had this affair, are now to me like predators of the desperate and lonely. I read recently that this teacher of mine had passed away, had died. It took me so very long to get over the humiliation of my experience with him, yet it meant nothing, NOTHING, to me now to learn of this.
The people who are important are the ones who stay by you in your life...the ones who really care. I hope you and your husband can reach this kind of caring. Just dismiss this man with whom you had the affair. He sounds like a cad!
Patty