I'm actually feeling quite guilty for posting in this forum becuase i had avoided it for quite a while. At that time, there were a lot of 'i love my t' type threads, and the green eyed monster in me cam eout full force because my relationship with my t could only be described as turbulent. I would feel so jealous hearing how other t's were being so helpful with sessions, emails, phone calls etc. My t would cancel 9 out of 10 appointments, actually returning a call was unheard of. I know it was wrong of me to react the way i did, and that I should have been happy that you guys had/have effective relationships with your T's, but I was kind of self absorbed and angry because i felt like all these doors were being slammed in my face. I felt like I was the patient from hell and undeserving of help, and I should never have taken that out on you guys. Although I never before voiced this, I still feel the need to apologise for it. So many people here have offered me huge amounts of support, and I feel like I have let people down by not returning the gesture.
I have come to my senses and terminated therapy, which I know was the right thing to do, but at the same time I am completely petirfied because now I am left to my own devices...no support, even though I wasn't really getting any anyway....grr.
This is the first time I have been back in this particualr forum for quite a long time, and although it seems the general mood has changed (which I'm sorry for btw, would rather everyone have ideal patient/T relationships) I still felt the need to explain myself.
I'm going to try really hard to be more supportive and less self absorbed.
Sorry about the rant.